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Reeve: Welcome to the Ramblings
page, witch is now run by Zeiken!
Kefka: *Pulls Zeiken on*
Zeiken: Um... hi.
Kefka:
So tell us about yourself.
Zeiken:
Maybe later.
Reeve: Kefka stop
it.
Shadow: -_-" anyway the first is a Point Counter point sent in by
one of our own staff Scarlet!
Reeve: When
did Scarlet join the staff?
Kefka: A little while ago...
Reeve: Oh
god save me...
1
-POINT: WHY MONTY IS A PAIN IN MY ASS
Scarlet: Monty is the most judgmental
little shit I've ever met. Honestly, that girl is all "(insert name here)
sucks!" or "(insert other name here) blows!" all the freakin'
time!! Take... oh I don't know, Cloud for example... we sit down... er...
lounge anyway... and have this little conversation about Cloud Strife,
"hero" (pain in the ass, if you ask me) of Final Fantasy VII. She
hates him. Can't stand him AT ALL. So I, for the sake of curiousity, ask her
why. She says "blah blah blah blah blah blah blahbity blah..." In
short, she thinks that he deserves to die, slowly and miserably, because he's
ugly and he talks to voices in his head and because he took Zack's identity.
Now I say, he had a nice ass, who doesn't talk to voices in their head
*ignores the odd looks she gets*, and what's wrong with a little case of
stolen identity? I mean, Jenova had fucked with his head enough that he
probably thought he was Mary Poppins at some point of his life. And also, she
says that if he had ended up with Aeris he would've been cool in her book and
her favorite character in FFVII... you know what that means? You want someone
to hate? Let's talk Tifa "Big Boobs McGee" Lockheart. What the fuck
was her purpose?! I kicked her ass man! Damn skippy... anyway, now I'm just
getting off the point. The point is, when you play Final Fantasy games you
have to take the good characters (Zell, Mustadio, Reno, Scarlet, etc...) along
with the bad (TIFA, Zidane, TIFA, the chocobos, TIFA, etc...) and even *glares
pointedly at Monty* Cloud... who had a nice ass by the way...
COUNTERPOINT:
WHY SCARLET IS A BITCH
Monty: First
off- you suck! So what if I hate Cloud, and hey why don't you actually tell
them what those blah blah blahs were! I never said he should die a slow
miserable death, just die. And so what if I think he's ugly, witch he is, and
what cool person talks to voices? Zack was cool, hot and had no voices in his
head! I would have gave Cloud a few points if he ended up with Aeris but he'd
still be lame... um... no comment on Tifa and the fact that she kicked your
ass in the game. What's wrong with chocobo's? And why is Scarlet in the
good people column?
Kefka: Um... Monty I hate to tell
you this but your counterpoint sucked...
Scarlet: *snickering*
Monty: >_< Screw you all!
*walks off*
Shadow: And this comes to close the first ramble...
2
- A
Very Spooty Kefka
The setting: Kefka and Reeve are sitting around the
table in the staff room. Shadow’s left for the day. Reeve’s catching up on
some work and Kefka’s mowing down a huge piece of French bread and some
Munster cheese. After discussing South Park, the topic of Jerry Springer’s
guests becomes the new focus of the conversation… Kefka’s true views on
life are revealed…
Reeve: I
hate watching The Springer Show. It’s the absolute worst of humanity.
Kefka: No.
You gotta have the freakish-greasy-nasty-whore type of people. It keeps things
in balance.
Reeve: *
looks at Kefka like he grew two heads *
uh… care to elaborate?
Kefka:
Ok… it’s like this. Say
there’s some sick bastard walking around town killing people.
Reeve: Like…
you?
Kefka: *
shrug * For example. Now, would you
rather have him kill… let’s say… a rocket scientist or some brilliant
amazing smart woman that’s going to change the world for the better, or some
nasty ass whore that’s been prostituting herself since she was like twelve
and thinks that being a stripper would be the most wonderful job in the world?
Reeve:….
So basically, you’re saying the psycho… *
points to Kefka * you… are
doing a service to society?
Kefka: ~_^
* winks at Reeve * Exactly!
Basically it’s just would you rather see Shera, whose going to better the
world, or Tifa, Big Boobs McGee Lockhart, die?
Reeve: * asks meekly * Would
I be correct in assuming there is no third option in which they both live?
Kefka: Ok…
I’ll give you a different example… Yuffie or Scarlet? Wait! Scratch
that… everyone wants both of them dead…
Reeve: Hey!
* distracted by the laptop in front
of him, not really paying attention to what he says * Yuffie’s
not so bad. * Realizes it and tries
to back peddle while an evil grin crosses Kefka’s features * No!
I mean, THEY’RE not so bad! Both of them. Uh…
Kefka: See!
You just made your choice!
Reeve:
-_-"
Kefka: Anyway,
I’m just trying to point out that if we didn’t have the trash of humanity
on the streets getting killed off, the good people of the world would suffer
at the hands of madmen. And, if by killing this so-called-trash, the world is
bettered, doesn’t that mean that those who end their pitiful “lives” are
merely doing the world a favor?
Reeve: … so
you’re basically telling me that by killing those people, you were trying to
better the planet?
Kefka: Yep!
Reeve: *
sigh * Why Kefka, I never realized
you were such a humanitarian…
Kefka:
Darn Tootin’!
3-A
Movie That Rocked & A Movie that Sucked
(Both
with the same name)
*Reeve and Shadow are sitting at the
table drinking coffee when the crazy little mage Kefka runs in*
Kefka: ....
*Looking up at the intro* ...what
the fuc... never mind. Anyway hey guys guess what movie I finally got to see!
Reeve: What's
that?
Kefka: Final
Fantasy!
Shadow & Reeve: Riiiiight...
Kefka: You
wantta hear about it?
Shadow: I'd love to but I gotta go and kill some one...
Reeve: Sorry
Kefka, I a... well you know Neo-Midgar and all...
Kefka *Pushes them back down into the
chairs* No, not Final Fantasy: The
Spirits Within... I saw Final Fantasy: Legend Of The Crystals...
Reeve: You
mean the anime?
Kefka: Yep,
see I was hanging out with X-Death the other day.
Shadow: X-Death?
Kefka: The
main bad guy in Final Fantasy 5, god Shadow keep with it. Anyway we're hanging
out and killing some people but it got boring real fast. See this new ff10
world that we were creating havoc on sucks, so we had to find something else
to do. Being that we killed all the people on the 9 world... aside from my man
Kuja, we didn't have much else to do.
Reeve: Is
this story ever going to involve the movie, or is it all just a mass killing
of inacent people.
Kefka: Your
saying that the 10 people are innocent?
Reeve: Well
that's a good point.
Shadow: So anyway?
Kefka: Right,
well we went back to my place, and decided to go to Block Buster and get a
movie. And ended up in the Anime section of the store.
Shadow: Best part if I do say so myself.
Reeve: That
is just after the Playstation part.
*Shadow & Kefka glare*
Reeve: Ok,
ok the Nintendo part, then Playstation.
Kefka: True
true... So to make a long story short-
Shadow: To late.
Kefka >_<:
Like I was saying to make a long story short, we ended up getting Legend Of
The Crystals.
Reeve: So
how was it?
Kefka: Well
it is a ol' school Final Fantasy. It kicked ass! Great Anime, all the music
from the game was in it. And it took place on the same planet.
Shadow: Kef, there were three different worlds in that game.
Kefka: I
mean... the first one the main one. Anyway most of the game's people had there
descendents in there, because it took place 200 years after the game. The only
thing that sucked was that Galuf and his granddaughter didn't have any
descendents.
Reeve: Isn't
Krile that old guys descendent anyway?
Kefka: ...errrrrr...
well duh! But they weren't in the movie!
Reeve: Oh...
Kefka: So
over all it kicked ass, I give it a 24 & 1/2 out of 25.
41/2 for Characters (1/2 off because no Galuf descendent)
5 Graphics
5 Story Line
5 Music
5 Re-Watch value
Reeve: What
did The Spirits Within get?
Kefka: Well...
1 Characters (Cid wasn't Cid it was Sid, the main girl has been over used,
can we say Biggs Wedge Jessie much, only with Biggs mixed together with Barret)
5 Graphics (Good Fuckin' Shit here
0 Story Line (Ok did anyone ever tell them that FF7 had a life stream
already?)
0 Music (IT SUCKED!)
0 Re-Watch value (No fuckin' way will I watch it again, only to MST the damn
thing)
Reeve: Damn
that's only a 6 out of 25...
Shadow: If they only would have used a video game story line.
Kefka: Like
2 had a good one that could have worked great, it wasn't really long like 3 or
7 but it was very involving. It had just enough Characters but not to many
like Tactics, and enough people remembered it not like the first game and
Mystic... And it had enough teary eye parts... like when Polom... and Porom...
Shadow: You want a minute Kef?
Kefka: No
I'm good... anyone got a Tissue?
*Reeve pulls out one from the many
useless ones from the GS- Battle Square*
Kefka: Thanks...
Shadow: I know it's hard to talk about sometimes... back in the old
days with the 16/24 bit... that was good time...
Reeve: ...is
a moment of silence in order??
Shadow: Please...
*All lower there heads*
Shadow: You know kids today just can't appreciate a good story line.
Reeve: So
true, but lots of them are to stupid to grasp the concept that the point of an
RPG is not to pull out a machine gun and kill kill kill...
Kefka: All
though I would have really liked a machine gun in 3...
Reeve: Hey!
You killed enough... anyway like I was saying if you want to just have a
killing game with no story but good CGs then go and get a copy of Mortal
Combat and Kill till your little hearts content.
Shadow: I think Chocobo Racing had a better story line then Final
Fantasy 9 or 10.
Kefka: And
way better re-play value.
Reeve: We
should totally have a Death match with anyone from Tactics or lower vs. 8 or
higher.
Shadow: I don't know 8 was ok... well, better then 9. But boy I
would love to have teen minutes alone with that little Zidane freak!
Kefka: No,
actually that one is taken. Vincent and Squall called Zidane and Tidus. There
pissed that those two took there... um... well, whole look.
Shadow: Yep, Vincent only gave permission to Squall to let him use
his old Turk... face?? If that would be how you put it?
Reeve: Well,
that's all the time we have to day, and also this is getting so far off the
point it's just wrong.
Kefka: Oh
wait, I still wantta give my review of the other games real quick..
Reeve: Ok
really fast.
9
3 Characters (Zidane=Squall, Eiko=Relm/Porom, Quina=Gau and some other
weird shit, the only reason they got as high as they did is cuz of the moogles)
3 Graphics (Come on we got good shit lets use it!)
5 Story Line (Ok, sorry to all those hard core people but come on the story
line really was pretty good, if they just had the other elements right)
4 Music (It was ok, could have been better but ok)
4 Re-Play value (Sure I'd re-play it, most likely just as much as I'd re-play
2,3,or 7 not as much as Tactics though)
Kefka: Over
all I give it a 19 out of 25
Shadow: Not to bad...
Kefka: Now
for 10
Reeve: Oh
I can't watch this...
1 Characters (They're getting this high of a score cuz of effort- They
finally changed 'Squall's' hair color)
5 Graphics (Fine they were great...)
0 Story Line (HAHAHAHAHA... yah right like I'd even give em half a point)
4 Music (Sure I'll give them this much)
2 Re-Play value (I'll re-play this just as much as I re-play Elmo’s Letter
advancer... oh wait I'll re-play that more)
Kefka: So
a 12 out of 25.
Reeve: Feeling
generous are you?
Kefka: Well...
before we go here's for the rest of the games-
3
5 Characters (Hell yes!!)
3 Graphics
5 Story Line
5 Music
5 Re-Play value
23 out of 25
7
5 Characters
5 Graphics
5 Story Line
5 Music
4 Re-Play value
24 out of 25
2
5 Characters
3 Graphics
5 Story Line
5 Music
4 Re-Play value
22 out of 25
Tactics
5 Characters (Well, duh)
5 Graphics
5 Story Line
5 Music
5 Re-Play value
25 out of 25
1
3 Characters
3 Graphics
4 Story Line
5 Music
5 Re-Play value
20 out of 25 (But +5 points for being the one to start it all!) so Perfect
score 25 out of 25
Mystic Quest -N/A
5
5 Characters
3 Graphics
5 Story Line
5 Music
4 Re-Play value
22 out of 25
8
4 Characters
5 Graphics
3 Story Line
4 Music
4 Re-Play value
20 out of 25
Kefka *grinning
madly*: And
now for a short commercial break-
*Screen
goes blank*
*Open to scene
with Reno standing atop a desk somewhere in the Shin-Ra building. Surrounding
the desk are Elena, Rufus, a few members of SOLDIER, and all the Shin-Ra
executives except for Hojo. Reno is holding a piece of TWIZLER licorice up to
his lip like a mustache and his audience is laughing riotously at what he's
saying*
Reno: *imitating
President Shin-Ra and pointing at various people surrounding the desk*
You're
Fired. You're Fired. And You're Fired. *pauses
to point at the TWIZLER*
And my mustache
is fired! *uses
high-pitched voice while pretending to be the TWIZLER* No!
Please! *suddenly
stops when he sees his audience swiftly file out of the room and gulps as he
locks eyes with President Shin-Ra who has just entered the office*
[
*voice from off camera* web-candy...
Make fun of the web ]
*Screen
goes blank*
*Open to scene
with Rufus Shin-Ra standing about waist deep in tropical waters off a beach.
The day is beautiful he has a serene smile on his face and he seems to just be
basking in the beauty of the area around him. Suddenly, without warning, a
moogle appears at his side with a small, black and white house cat sitting
atop it's shoulders. Rufus appears slightly taken aback when the cat begins
speaking*
Cait Sith:
*sounding
slightly disdainful*
Hi.
Rufus:
*a little
unsure*
uh... hello.
Cait Sith:
*looks at him
for a moment* How'd
you find this place?
Rufus:
*still
bewildered*
uh... The Shin-Ra Database...
Cait Sith: mmm...
*his moogle
starts to swim away*
Rufus:
W-wait! *Cait
Sith pauses and looks at him again*
Where'd you learn how to talk?
Cait Sith:
*shifts eyes
away before looking back at him*
Shin-Ra
Database...
*Cut
to screen with Shin-Ra logo on it*
[
*voice from off screen* Do you File Tap? The
Shin-Ra Database
]
*Screen
goes blank*
*Open to scene
with Scarlet, Tseng, Heidegger, and Rufus sitting around a conference table
somewhere in the Midgar offices listening to a conference phone call. Hojo's
voice is droning over the speaker phone, as he is in the Junon offices, and
the four seated in Midgar look bored.*
Hojo:
...and the test results prove that...*suddenly he gets a far off look in
his eyes and he seems to be thinking of something other than the meeting*
...the... umm... *Cut to the four Shin-Ra employees looking at each other
quizzically as they wonder what's going on over the phone. Cut back to Hojo in
Junon whose eyes have completely clouded over and he is talking to himself and
breathing heavy* Uhn.... oh yeah... yes.... uh.... mmmm.... oh yeah
baby....
*Scarlet, Tseng,
Heidegger, and Rufus all stare at the phone, shocked for a moment, at what
sounds like Hojo getting 'freak-ay' on the other end of the line*
Rufus:
*pouts and
leans back in his seat, crossing his arms dejectedly over his chest, while
mumbling*:...I
wish I worked in the Junon office...
[
*voice from off camera* Get
Laid...
where you can get some... even if you don't work in the Junon offices... ]
*Screen
goes blank*
*Open to scene
with Reeve driving a car down the streets of Midgar, towards the Shin-Ra
Tower. He is car pooling and Scarlet is sitting in the passenger seat beside
him filing her nails. Rude and Reno are sitting in the backseats. Reno has his
head tilted back as though he's trying to catch a few more minutes of shut
eye, while Rude is gazing thoughtfully out the window at the passing scenery.
Suddenly the shrill of Reeve's PHS is heard throughout the car. All of the
vehicle's passengers stare at it and Reeve reaches for it to answer*
Scarlet:
*pauses in
filing her nails and speaks in a commanding voice*
Don't get that Reeve.
Reeve: *hesitates
before slowly reaching for it again, but he paused yet again when Scarlet
spoke*
Scarlet:
*glaring at
Reeve* Don't
Get That Reeve!
Reeve: *glances
at Scarlet before snatching the phone up and turning it on speaker* Hello?
High-pitched voice
over the line: Meow.
Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow.
Meow. Meow.
Reeve: *in
astonishment, oblivious to the 'death-glares' from the other passengers*
It's Cait Sith!
Cait Sith: *from
over the line*
Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow.
Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow!
[
*voice from off screen* The
Gold Saucer!
Cait Sith asks for it by name! ...err.... sort of... ]
*Screen
goes blank*
*Open to scene with
a fanfiction author typing furiously over their computer*
[ *voice from off
screen* ...the energy to stay up typing half the night: $4.00 for Red Bull
Energy Drink...]
*Cut to scene with
fanfiction author drawing a diagram of their plot line, surrounded by several
dozen crumbled pieces of paper on the floor*
[ * voice from off
screen* ...pens and paper to map out your story just right: $8.00...
*Cut to scene with
fanfiction author sitting in a doctor's waiting room, forlorn expression on
his face*
[ *voice from off
screen* ...Doctor's office bill for Carpul Tunnel syndrome from typing those
36 chapters: $145.00... ]
*Cut to scene with
fanfiction author reading reviews of her story, gleeful expression on her
face*
[ *voice from off
screen* ...being commended for the perfect Reno x Yuffie fanfic: Priceless. ]
[
*voice from off screen* ...there are some things Final Fantasy VII can't give
you... for everything else, there's
Sugar
& Spice
*Screen
goes blank*
[ *voice from off
camera* How do you game? ]
*Cut to scene with
Gogo leaning back in his chair, back turned to the computer behind him while
he talks to the camera*
Gogo:
Personally...
I like to freak them out by miming all of my opponents attacks... *smirks*
*Cut to Squall, who
is distractedly talking to the camera while he jabs at the keyboard in front
of him, battling in a chatroom*
Squall:
Me? I like to power up. Training is key. *glances
at the camera man*
What? Don't you agree? .....*scowls*
...Whatever...
*Cut to Zell, who is
stuffing a hotdog in his mouth while trying to type in his attack in the
chatroom with one hand*
Zell:
*speaks
incoherently through the hotdog in his mouth, before pausing half way through
his sentence. His eyes get real wide and he starts motioning frantically to
himself while he chokes on the contents of his mouth*
Camera man: *sweatdrops*
*Cut to the RPG
Chatroom*
[
*voice from off camera* There's no wrong way... to Role Play. UNFNBLVBLE
RPG ]
Reeve:
Props to
A big thanks to the TWIZLERS company, Yahoo!, Arby's, Meow Mix, Mastercard,
and Reese's Pieces. Without them, the inspiration for this ramble would never
have been had.
Shadow: Credits
to
Monty
&
Scarlet,
who need serious psychiatric help, sit and watch tv together and basically
brainstorm about how to "Final Fantasy-ize" commercials that come
on. So, one night, they wrote 'em all down and figured out how they would
relate to various sites that they both own. Enjoy the madness. >^_^<
Kefka: Next
page of Rambles is here- Even
more crazy shit that never needed to be said...
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