Calamities from the sky

Chapter 1 - Nude babes beneath the snow

"I see great suffering, the likes of which the world has never seen. The planet is crying out in pain! There is some dark force eating away at its core, and that dark force will soom be unleaseshed!" the little, squinty-eyed old lady leans over to peer deeper into the crystal orb that sits on a mat in front of her.

The room is dark, lit by only a few candles which surround the orb. Light reflects off of the precious gems that are embeded in the stone wall. The air is heavy, filled with stuffy inscents and cheap perfumes. A few odd glyphs are carved into the quickly melting candles.

"The powers of the planet alone cannot stop it!" the old fortuneteller continues in a shaky voice. "The past troubles of the world don't compare to this new destructive poswer. These recent evils were only the beginning of the end. The end of the world!" The old woman gasps.

"Oh bummer. That kinda sucks. Can you tell me about my love life now?" Yuffie asks in an all-to-perky tone.


Reeve laughs nervously as he looks down the snow-covered slope that lies before him. "It didn't look _this_ steep from the ground," he thinks as he bites down on his chap lower lip. He then shrugs. "Well, whatcha gonna do?" He adjusts his goggles over his eyes and leans forward, slowly easing his snowboard to the edge of the slope.

Having no idea how to snowboard didn't seem to deter him a bit. He had seen Cloud do it plenty of times, and he had even played the snowboarding game at the Gold Saucer. Once. Hey, he was a fast learner. And he desperatly needed a new hobby, and a vacation. Not that he had a job to vacation from. Either way, he needed to get out more.

For the past couple of weeks he'd been living off his cut of the money he had earned from fighting with Cloud during the whole Sephiroth ordeal. Cloud had taken the extra money and divided it evenly among them, excluding RedXIII and Vincent (they didn't want any, which Reeve thought was rather stupid). Yuffie had found it in her best interest to have their portions, claiming it was her "birthright as the protector of Wutai." Despite Barret's protests about paying the "filthy Shinra son-of-a-bitch," Reeve had gotten his fair share. And then foolishly blew half off it away gambling.

Reeve begins to pick up speed at a rapid pace as he slides down the mountain. He is having a bit of trouble keeping balance. This is harder than it looked. He misses a tree by mere inches. "I knew I should have used the designated ski-slope," he thinks, condeming himself for his own brashness. After all, that_ is_ what they are there for.

The scenery whipps past him a phantasmagoric whirl of green and white. Here a rock, there a tree...o look, a cliff! Reeve, not knowing how to stop, throws himself down on the ground. He tumbles towards the edge of the cliff and rolls over, but is able to get a firm grip on the rock wall, preventing him from an early death on the rocky dephs below.

"I _knew_ I should have plotted my course," Reeve thinks bitterly as he scrambels atop the cliff. He usually wasn't this spontaneous. If it were any other time, and other day, he probably would have premeditated his course of action, but not this time. He had had this sudden urge to snowboard...

He peers over the cliff as he brushes himself off. The adrenaline rush he had gotten when falling of the cliff was amazing. He would never have felt anything like _that_ working for Shinra. But even if he had wanted to return to Shinra, he couldn't. Everyone of any importance, excluding himself, Palmer, and the Turks, was dead. And Palmer was barley considered important.

Reeve chuckles as he comes to realize that he is the highest-ranking member of Shinra left alive. He flings off is goggles, and for no apparent reason at all, throws his head back and shouts, "I AM THE PRESIDENT OF SHINRA! BOW TO ME!" He must be suffering from the after effects of working with a mechanical, radioactive cat for so long...
Whatever the reason, Reeve's yelling causes an avalanche. At first there is nothing but a low rumbling, which sparks Reeve's curiousity. Upon seeing the white wall of snow and fallen trees rapidly making his way towards him, he can do nothing but stare. It was as if he had lost all cotrols of is arms and legs and could do nothing but gape at the snowy wall of death that would soon be upon him. He didn't regain any movement until he was seconds away from being swept off of the cliff, in which he only has enough time to utter a commen, two-syllobol phrase...

"Oh fuck."



"You will get married and have five children. That will be 20G." The old woman shoves out her hand eagerly, awaiting her fee.

"Gawd, don't be so pushy. Now do you perfer checks or credit cards?" Yuffie asks.

"Cash only," the old woman barks."

Yuffie snorts. "Fine. I get the hint." She rolls her eyes as she thrusts a fist full of coins into the fortuneteller's greedy hands. "This is the last time I'll ever come here." At 20G she could have gotten a pedicure. Instead she had wasted it on this shit.

"I can't believe this!" Yuffie says to herself as she pushes the heavy door of the fortuneteller's shop open. She lifts her hand to shield her eyes from the bright sunlight. In the background she could here the old woman counting her newly acquired money. "Five kids! What does she think I am, a machine?"

"When her eyes have adjusted Yuffie began to make her way towards her house, following the
overgrown path. Birds fly by, whistling their happy songs, while a group of children laugh joyously nearby. Everything was so cheery it was sickn-????????????

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She sees a glint out of the corner of her eye and exitedly dashes towards it, but is discouraged when she sees that its only sunlight reflection off a puddle of water, and not materia. She continues on, stepping in the puddle as she makes her way down the winding path of Mt. Wutai. Why did that old bitty have to live all the way on top of themountain?

Even if the world was going to end (which she didn't believe for a second since she had always been told that fortuntellers were full of crap) she wasn't worried. Cloud would take care of it like he always did...wait! If Cloud was going to save the world, then he would need her help...and that means she would get another shot at stealing all his materia!

"Yes!" she exclaims, and then laughs evily. "Nyuk nyuk nyuk! The materia will be mine, all mine! Cloud'll play right into my hand!" She then twilrs happily and skips down the path, eager to get home where she could plot out just exactly how she could get her hand around that materia...


Reeve moans as he slipps back into conciousnus. He awakens to see nothing buy darkness in front of him. He appears to be burried in the snow, and is currently having a slight case of vertigo. He begins to work his way up in the direction he was facing, hoping he was in fact going up and not deeper into the snow. He knws this wasn't the best method of doing things, but he really doesn't care. It seemed to be the logical course of action at the time.

Luckily for Reeve, up was up and he was soon lying atop a mound of snow. At first he just layed there, trying to register just what had happened. Eventually he got up and began to brush himself off, mumbling and cursing all the while. "Stupid avalanches, on their stupid mountains, knkowcking people on their asses and blowing up expensive Mako reactors..."

His voice trails off as he looks about him. He appears to be in some kind of cavern. Light flows in from the wide enterance begind, which, for the most part, is clogged almost entirley by the snow that had carried him down here. Huge icicles hang from the ceiling, and Reve wondered if any of them would plan on falling on him.

"Kitty chiskabob," Reeve mutters as he steps aside and out from under a large icicle that was pointing down at his head. Unfortunatly this manouver is not so easily done while on a snowboard. Reeve stumbles backwards and lands on his butt. He disconnects his snowboard from his boots and climbs back up on his feet. He begins to wander aroudn the cavern, his curiousity exeding the extreme cold.

He jogs over to his goggles, upon spotting them a few yards away, feeling extremely lucky for have finding them at all. They _were_ nice goggles. But then again, if he was truly lucky he wouldn't be down here in the first place. He bends down to retrieve them. As he is wipping the snow off of them, he sees a strange purplish glow emmitting from the spot where he had just retrieved his goggles from.

"Huh," he scratches his head, then absently rubs his goatee. Not having any better ideas, Reeve gets down on his knees and begins digging down into the snow. It isn't long before he strikes ice. He shovles the snow around, trying to locate the scource of the glow, thinking he has quite possibly discovered the eigth wonder of the world, or at least some materia. As long he was able to sell it at a shop...

What he does see in the ice causes Reeve to double over, nearly throwing up. He looks on with horror at the creature that is encased within the ice. No, it couldn't be! She had been destroyed! What lied in the ice before Reeve was Jenova, head fully attached and in mint condition. She was beautiful, the ugliest thing Reeve had ever seen in his life.

It was then that Reeve did throw up. When he is through, he gets up to takes another look at this Jenova. His heart is racing a million miles per hour and he is shaking all over, which has nothing to do with the temperature. He then noticed something else, something more terrifiying than before. Besides Jenova's head there is a foot.

Reeve digs furioulsy, soon discovering that the foot was connected to a leg, and that leg in turn was connected to a body, and that body... "No," Reeve whispers as he looked down at yet another Jenova on the rocks. Normaly he would be excited to find beautiful naked women encased in ice, but this was too much. Besides this other Jenova's face he saw a hand, and he know there was another one, and possibly another, and another...

He looks from side to side. The cavern was enourmous; it could house a whole army of Jenovas. He looked back down at Jenova numvber three. It was hopeless, he realizes. Not even Cloud could save the world from this.

Just then, Jenova 3.0 winked at him.

Reeve faints.




Sidenotes: I wrote this a year ago, so if there are spelling errors or its a little retarted, just ignore it and it wil all go away....